6 Historical Figures Discuss Their Most Essential Household Brands

When it comes to brand advocacy, it’s amusing that companies fall over themselves trying to enlist the latest A-list celebrities and influencers-du-jour when literally the greatest, most famous figures from history are waiting in the wings, eager to promote your product or provide expert testimonials.

SmartZup has spared no effort, scouring the chronicles of antiquity to connect with some of the most notable names in history and learning firsthand from each about the household products they consider “timeless” essentials.

1. Genghis Khan for Seventh Generation dish soap

“Greetings, fellow conquerors of cleanliness. Behold: a divine and inspired instrument to vanquish grease and grime. Seventh Generation honors the ancestral spirits of sky, wind and mountain as the most ruthless and effective of all plant-based dish soaps!

Like a horde of Mongol riders sweeping across a grassy plain, this environmentally-friendly “green” product cuts mercilessly through cooking grease and baked on lasagna. With a warrior’s purity, Seventh Generation dish soap shuns the use of common fragrances or dyes often found along the Silk Road and among lesser brands to better prepare your plates and dishes for epic culinary conquests.

And after the long-lasting suds have faded from your cleaning rags and sponges, remember you may yet honor the ancestral spirits by refilling or properly disposing of the fully biodegradable bottle. I, the Great Khan, Temujin, have spoken.”

2. Cleopatra for Saran Wrap

“We Egyptians are renowned for our preservation technology. So for royal lovers of freshness, I bestow my seal of approval on the heavenly veil of safekeeping known as Saran Wrap plastic cling wrap.

The enchanting power of the transparent wrap rivals the Nile itself in wonder, allowing even the lowliest servant to preserve food’s flavor, keeping it fresher than a delta breeze.

Bid farewell to food waste and gaze upon the legendary beauty and allure of Cleopatra’s casserole and ancient leftovers! Not even Caesar himself could resist.”

3. Leonardo Da Vinci for Samsung Family Hub smart refrigerator

“Buongiorno! As an inventor and a pioneer of innovation, I can’t resist sharing my love of multifunctionality by introducing the Samsung Family Hub smart refrigerator.

Featuring spacious interiors, customisable shelving and advanced temperature control, these modern marvels are the very embodiment of versatile thinking. With smart features capable of tracking food freshness or suggesting recipes based on the available ingredients, this wondrous machine provides families a spectacular canvas for inventing their own culinary masterpieces.

What’s more is the 21.5-inch touchscreen which functions like my notebooks, as a repository for ideas and inspirations, allowing the whole family to leave digital notes, share calendars, create shopping lists or even display your favorite artworks. It’s the Mona Lisa of refrigeration interfaces!

Bring Renaissance harmony and pleasing proportion to the center of the home through this modern masterwork of kitchen art.”

4. Marie Antoinette for Le Creuset ceramic ware

“Let them eat cake, and serve it in style with Le Creuset ceramic ware, mes amis! Just as we all enjoy indulging in the finer things in life, Le Creuset brings regal elegance to your dining table. Their ceramic creations are as timeless as the palace of Versailles itself.

With Le Creuset, you’ll discover the true meaning of elegance. Crafted with meticulous care and precision, Le Creuset’s stoneware and porcelain pieces are not only exquisite to behold, but they’re also designed to withstand the heat of the oven or microwave. Their exceptional durability ensures they can effortlessly transition from the oven to the table, while keeping the main course warm throughout even the most opulently prolonged dining festivities.

And as we each enjoy a wide palate of flavors, Le Creuset offers a wide range of colors to suit your royal tastes. From the lavish hues of Versailles to the understated elegance of ivory, these exquisite pieces are worthy of being handed down through generations as treasured aristrocratic heirlooms.

So, let your feasts be fit for royalty with Le Creuset ceramic ware, and indulge in a dining experience that even I would have envied. Bon appétit!”

5. Archimedes for OXO Good Grips Smooth Edge can openers

“Give me a lever and a place to stand and I can move the world! Well, with Oxo Good Grips Smooth Edge can openers, anyone can leverage the mysteries of unlocking ingredients with ease.

Using principles similar to my lever and screw inventions, the Oxo Good Grips Smooth Edge locks easily and cuts on the side of the can, leaving no sharp edges. Its comfortable, side-knob turns effortlessly and is perfect for the elderly, those with arthritis, or anyone who enjoys an ergonomic twist!

Finally, the cutting edge stays clean, never coming into contact with the inside contents and the handy lid pliers allow for easy no-touch lid disposal. These ingenious devices are truly the Eureka moment your kitchen deserves.”

6. Florence Nightingale on Clorox Disinfecting Wipes

“Ladies and gentlemen, permit me to introduce you to a convenient marvel of household health and hygiene: Clorox Disinfecting Wipes. These most trusted companions have helped me to combat germs and infections, adding a comforting degree of protection against the domestic plagues of messiness, mold and mildew.

In my time, cleanliness was paramount to healing, and Clorox understands that. Their powerful disinfecting formula tirelessly eliminates 99.9% of viruses and bacteria on surfaces. Like a nurse’s bedside manner, these wipes are as gentle as they are effective. They sanitize high-touch areas, ensuring your parlor is as safe as the field hospitals I helped transform.

Clorox Disinfecting Wipes are your allies in the battle against germs, standing like a beacon of hygiene, devoted to greater health and comfort. Let these wipes, like the Lady with the Lamp, illuminate your path to a cleaner, safer life.”

What thinkest thou, gentle reader? Pray, do the commendations of these illustrious luminaries leave you suitably bedazzled? Leavest thine thoughts in the comments below.